So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
