Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
