Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
