we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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