i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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