Capitaan dildo arrescate!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I think i got beer on your cat.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
