I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
