You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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