He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Randomize
