I puked a lego.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
