god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
