Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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