Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize