fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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