i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
