I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
