On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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