I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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