ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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