why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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