I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I've blown a few things in my day
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
