it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
