I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
