She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
