Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
