hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
