so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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