So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
wrigley field is MILF paradise
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
The adults are the big ones right?
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
