We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
