I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
