You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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