I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think people are normalizing furries
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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