I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
