I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
