i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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