My friends, they love my intelligence
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
