I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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