I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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