Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
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