someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
