So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize