it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
