Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
