new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
