YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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