'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
