I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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