Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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