So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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