party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
