Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
