my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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