okay pat passed out under dana's car
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
