either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
My ass is underappreciated
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
