i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
