I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
