I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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