That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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