i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
