What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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