Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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