Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
