She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
