So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You have to summon your inner elephant
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
