This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
