i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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