NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
